Do all students want to be coached? Do all students think they need coaching? Do all students have the same goals for coaching as their parents? The answer to all three questions is, NO. A frustrated parent may apply for a homework coach without the student being aware of the action. Even if the student is aware, he/she may not see any need for assistance. What is the coach to do when caught in such an uncomfortable situation?
The first step is to realize that the student’s perception is real. Many students, especially those who have diagnosed attention deficit or executive function issues, cannot accurately self assess. They do not see themselves as others see them and often refuse to admit a problem. In the first or second meeting with the student when the “I don’t need you” attitude is clearly present, acknowledge it. Say something like, “I know you think you do not need help, and I am here because your parents asked me to support you in areas where they perceive you to have difficulty.” Repeat your pledge (already stated in front of parents) to confidentiality and emphasize that the coaching relationship is a partnership based on absolute honesty, and you appreciate the student sharing honest feelings. Reiterate the fact that you are not there to be critical and ask if the student will be willing to visit with you for a few sessions to see if together you can discover a way that you can support him/her.
Assuming the student agrees to put up with you for a session or two, spend extra time talking about areas of interest. Let him/her know that you care about more than the grades being made in school. Try to find areas of strength and look for ways to honestly compliment the student in those activities.
Record keeping is crucial to the process of developing awareness of problems and to acknowledging progress. Ask permission from the student to keep records of grades, zeros for no homework, etc. You can always suggest that the two of you do so this in order to prove to the parents that there is not problem. It may be necessary to get permission from parents to contact the school, obtain login information for online grades, etc. in order for the records to be correct. Set attainable goals to improve any problem areas, and acknowledge any little areas of success even if it is just the honest reporting. Re-assess goals each session and adjust with different action steps as needed.
If after several (4-6) sessions, all the above fails, and the student still refuses to be cooperative, and continues to contend that no help is needed, and has made no progress toward meeting goals, it is time to terminate the relationship. Not all students are ready for a coach. When ending the association, always leave the door open for future contact. You may be surprised at how many come back!
This post was written for HomeworkCoach by our consultant Selma Ridgway, a learning specialist with 27 years experience as a teacher and counselor, working extensively with students with ADHD and learning differences
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